Life is a constant struggle within our selves. Always looking for the balance between what we want, what we need, and what we think is right.
I spent my middle and high school years wanting what most girls my age wanted: to be liked by all the guys. That way I could weed out the losers and keep the one I liked best. My problem at that time was not being a cheerleader or on a sports team and being too much of a bookworm.
Then I moved to Austin last January, and everything changed. Guys lined up for me. I had the challenge of figuring out why each guy wanted me before I could narrow the pool of applicants down. Inappropriate advances, desperate acts of kindness, ridiculous flirting, and utter frustration ensued.
The first guy who showed interest was quite a charmer. I was hesitant to accept a date because I could sense that I wasn’t seeing the whole picture of him. What he didn’t show me was his propensity to be a player and do stupid things with women while drunk. I had to find it out the hard way when he took advantage of one of my friends.
After rejecting a conversationally-challenged porn addict and a too-naïve guy who was a year and a half my junior, I was down to two guys by the beginning of February. They both asked me out to dinner, one on Tuesday night and the other the next night, I found one way to choose, albeit a radical solution. I accepted both invitations, minus the ties of boyfriend-girlfriend commitment. After Wednesday night, I would make my choice of one or neither.
I chose Mr. Tuesday Night. He was the only one out of all of those guys, plus others from my past, who didn’t do anything churlish or stupid, and he acted like himself rather than a sugar-coated version of a guy who was terribly desperate to impress. I got that feeling that I get when I know that something is right. Now, six months later, we’re still together. Just because I’m dating someone doesn’t mean that other guys stopped trying to win me over. It ranges from being honked at as I’m walking down the street to outright admissions of admiration or lust. As a matter of fact, what inspired me to write this today was a new guy at my college program admitting that he would have asked me out today did I not already have a boyfriend. This happened within ten minutes of meeting him.
Inside my head, I was chewing him out for being so presumptuous. It reminded me, however unnecessarily, that I have an awesome guy. It made me realize that being the most wanted isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I learned that just because I’m a lady doesn’t mean that simply sitting there and waiting for guys to run into me is going to get me who I want. I have to have my choice and make it too. I can’t choose who wants me, but I can choose who I want.
